Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Operation Geronimoo- Phase II: Total Recall

Monalisa the Cow and her bovine buddies went into action. Operation Geronimoo- ‘Total Recall ‘, was in action.
It was a beautiful sunny morning when the Mayor woke up, he brushed his teeth, took a bath and came down for breakfast, in a very happy mood. He rang the bell and called his butler.
‘Cornflakes and omelet with hot Tea please!’-he barked, reading his newspaper. He was reading about the rising  gold prices and was secretly happy that he had his stashed all away in Zurich.
The butler came back,’ Breakfast Saabji’( Sir)
The Mayor removed his face from the newspaper and was shocked to see biscuits and tea with no milk.
‘What is this you fool? I said cornflakes, omelet and Tea’!
‘Sorry Saabji, there are no fresh eggs available in the market and no milk has arrived’!
‘What do you mean you imbecile? That’s impossible!’, shouted the Mayor
‘No Saabji, it’s true, even I don’t have milk in my house ‘, the Butler replied
‘Ridiculous! Why, any idea?’ asked the Mayor
‘Saabji, they say the cows are on strike’, told the Butler
‘What? That’s impossible!’, said the Mayor incredulously,
‘ No Saabji,it is true, all the cows are kicking anyone who comes near them, they are going by themselves to houses with small children and allowing milking, but if anyone else tries, gets a kick in the face, Saabji’, said the Butler,
‘And what about eggs?’ asked the Mayor horrified
‘Saabji, the chickens- have run away and some are pecking at their owners’
The Mayor shouted ‘NOOOO, it’s that stupid cow again!’ I know it!’ He crushed his newspaper and walked towards the door for his car,
‘I’ll shoot that bloody cow!’ Shouted the Mayor as he sat in his car.
‘Saarji (Sir), you will lose votes, by saying that,’ said his Secretary,  as the car sped away outside the gates.
They had not gone even a kilometer when a white blob landed on the Mayor’s car, then another one landed on the windshield, the next one on the car windows and within a minute the car was covered with blobs of all different colors and sizes.
The driver pulled the breaks. The Mayor shouted ‘ What’s all this? What Kind of rain is this and opened his windows and peered out only to be splattered with white sludge from the top!
‘Help, I can’t see, Ramsevak, remove this vile thing from my face’, Shouted the terrified Mayor.
‘Yes Saarji,’ said his secretary and used a white handkerchief to wipe the Mayors face
‘Clean the car you idiotic driver’ Shouted the Mayor
‘Saarji, I think these are bird droppings!’, said the secretary a bit worried.
‘Get me my gun, get me my gun, Ramsevak!’ screamed the Mayor
‘Control yourself Saarji! Your blood pressure Saarji, if something should happen to you, it will be a great loss to the community!’, consoled the Secretary.
‘Just shut up you …. you ……chamcha ( Flatterer) ‘ said the Mayor miffed.
The driver took out his umbrella and cleaned the car and started for the Mayor’s office which was just on a street behind the Mayors bungalow.
But before he could go any further, he again suddenly pushed the breaks.
‘What now?’ asked the Mayor.
‘Babuji(Sir), there are two cows sitting in front of the road ,’ answered the driver
‘Go around them then’ said the Mayor
‘Babuji there is no place, the roads are being relayed on one side Babuji, and the work has been stalled since two weeks, so there is no other way , but to go back,’the driver explained
‘Ok then turn and we will go back!,the Mayor shouted.
As the car reversed there were four buffalos sitting on the road.
‘What rubbish, honk, hit a stone, run over these animals!’ shouted the Mayor
‘Saarji, the cow are considered holy in India, how can you do that, you will lose the Hindu vote’, the Secretary explained.
‘Just one stone?’ asked the Mayor
‘Noo Saarji, I am a true Hindu I will not hit the cow Saarji, I will walk to office’, replied the secretary. He got out of the car and walked briskly to the building
‘Babuji, I am Bhuddhist and I will not hurt any animal’ He too got out of the car and also walked to office’
Angry, the Mayor walked towards the Office with an umbrella and his body guards escorted him to his office.
And, as he walked he turned around and looked up from his umbrella and shouted, ‘I will not relent-tell that Cow!’ And walked away hurriedly, inside the building.
‘This is Charkha back again with the story covering- live, of the Fantastic Cow’s ‘Struggle for Justice’!
This time Charkha the special correspondent was sporting a blunt haircut with long earrings and was smiling away,
[oh my God Charkha, what have done to your hair?... ok, get on to the story, 5,4,3,2….1..]
‘As you can see behind me there is total chaos at the Mayor’s Office, we have reports that as the Mayor arrived ‘walking’ to his room he was greeted by two Monkeys sitting on his official table and chairs, wearing his glasses and playing with his computer, let me add also they had scored higher points in Chess then the Mayor, ………
[ Get on please……]
‘He was also surprised to see a large cobra sitting on his pile of unopened files, while at other areas of the official building the squirrels have created a mayhem by jumping on everyone and eating peanuts, the Mayor finally had to leave running to his house…. We will show you a clipping…..
[Show clipping, show clipping fast……..]
The news channel showed the Mayor running at high speed with an umbrella followed by two bodyguards holding sticks to drive away any animals, the secretary carrying a briefcase, and the driver who just followed because he was very committed!
This video was repeated on all channels and ‘youtube’, and so it felt to viewers that they were going around in circles! The people were angry at the Mayor as they were also affected by the plight of the animals, they held protest marches and wore ‘I am a Cow’ caps. They chanted ‘ India is a Cow and a Cow is India’. The politicians couldn’t say anything as the cow was a religious symbol.
As the Mayor returned home, he breathed a sigh of relief and flopped down on his chair!
‘Saabji?, Shall I cancel the barbecue party you were hosting tonight?’ asked the butler as he gave the Mayor a drink of water
‘Get lost you idiot!’ Screamed the Mayor
That night the Mayor was not able to sleep, as throughout the night the dogs got together and howled till sunrise, the owls hooted and the frogs croaked.
The Mayor’s wife finally shouted at her husband ‘It’s bad enough you snore at night, but anymore of this and I will be leaving you! Do something, you stubborn old man! ‘
The next morning, a small white flag was stuck outside the Mayors bungalow.
To be continued………..