Operation Geronimoo- Phase II: Total Recall

Continued……

Monalisa the Cow and her bovine buddies went into action. Operation Geronimoo- ‘Total Recall ‘, was in action.

It was a beautiful sunny morning when the Mayor woke up, he brushed his teeth, took a bath and came down for breakfast, in a very happy mood. He rang the bell and called his butler.

‘Cornflakes and omelet with hot Tea please!’-he barked, reading his newspaper. He was reading about the rising  gold prices and was secretly happy that he had his stashed all away in Zurich.

The butler came back,’ Breakfast Saabji’( Sir)

The Mayor removed his face from the newspaper and was shocked to see biscuits and tea with no milk.

‘What is this you fool? I said cornflakes, omelet and Tea’!

‘Sorry Saabji, there are no fresh eggs available in the market and no milk has arrived’!

‘What do you mean you imbecile? That’s impossible!’, shouted the Mayor

‘No Saabji, it’s true, even I don’t have milk in my house ‘, the Butler replied

‘Ridiculous! Why, any idea?’ asked the Mayor

‘Saabji, they say the cows are on strike’, told the Butler

‘What? That’s impossible!’, said the Mayor incredulously,

‘ No Saabji,it is true, all the cows are kicking anyone who comes near them, they are going by themselves to houses with small children and allowing milking, but if anyone else tries, gets a kick in the face, Saabji’, said the Butler,

‘And what about eggs?’ asked the Mayor horrified

‘Saabji, the chickens- have run away and some are pecking at their owners’

The Mayor shouted ‘NOOOO, it’s that stupid cow again!’ I know it!’ He crushed his newspaper and walked towards the door for his car,

‘I’ll shoot that bloody cow!’ Shouted the Mayor as he sat in his car.

‘Saarji (Sir), you will lose votes, by saying that,’ said his Secretary,  as the car sped away outside the gates.

They had not gone even a kilometer when a white blob landed on the Mayor’s car, then another one landed on the windshield, the next one on the car windows and within a minute the car was covered with blobs of all different colors and sizes.

The driver pulled the breaks. The Mayor shouted ‘ What’s all this? What Kind of rain is this and opened his windows and peered out only to be splattered with white sludge from the top!

‘Help, I can’t see, Ramsevak, remove this vile thing from my face’, Shouted the terrified Mayor.

‘Yes Saarji,’ said his secretary and used a white handkerchief to wipe the Mayors face

‘Clean the car you idiotic driver’ Shouted the Mayor

‘Saarji, I think these are bird droppings!’, said the secretary a bit worried.

‘Get me my gun, get me my gun, Ramsevak!’ screamed the Mayor

‘Control yourself Saarji! Your blood pressure Saarji, if something should happen to you, it will be a great loss to the community!’, consoled the Secretary.

‘Just shut up you …. you ……chamcha ( Flatterer) ‘ said the Mayor miffed.

The driver took out his umbrella and cleaned the car and started for the Mayor’s office which was just on a street behind the Mayors bungalow.

But before he could go any further, he again suddenly pushed the breaks.

‘What now?’ asked the Mayor.

‘Babuji(Sir), there are two cows sitting in front of the road ,’ answered the driver

‘Go around them then’ said the Mayor

‘Babuji there is no place, the roads are being relayed on one side Babuji, and the work has been stalled since two weeks, so there is no other way , but to go back,’the driver explained

‘Ok then turn and we will go back!,the Mayor shouted.

As the car reversed there were four buffalos sitting on the road.

‘What rubbish, honk, hit a stone, run over these animals!’ shouted the Mayor

‘Saarji, the cow are considered holy in India, how can you do that, you will lose the Hindu vote’, the Secretary explained.

‘Just one stone?’ asked the Mayor

‘Noo Saarji, I am a true Hindu I will not hit the cow Saarji, I will walk to office’, replied the secretary. He got out of the car and walked briskly to the building

‘Babuji, I am Bhuddhist and I will not hurt any animal’ He too got out of the car and also walked to office’

Angry, the Mayor walked towards the Office with an umbrella and his body guards escorted him to his office.

And, as he walked he turned around and looked up from his umbrella and shouted, ‘I will not relent-tell that Cow!’ And walked away hurriedly, inside the building.

BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS!

‘This is Charkha back again with the story covering- live, of the Fantastic Cow’s ‘Struggle for Justice’!

This time Charkha the special correspondent was sporting a blunt haircut with long earrings and was smiling away,

[oh my God Charkha, what have done to your hair?... ok, get on to the story, 5,4,3,2….1..]

‘As you can see behind me there is total chaos at the Mayor’s Office, we have reports that as the Mayor arrived ‘walking’ to his room he was greeted by two Monkeys sitting on his official table and chairs, wearing his glasses and playing with his computer, let me add also they had scored higher points in Chess then the Mayor, ………

[ Get on please……]

‘He was also surprised to see a large cobra sitting on his pile of unopened files, while at other areas of the official building the squirrels have created a mayhem by jumping on everyone and eating peanuts, the Mayor finally had to leave running to his house…. We will show you a clipping…..

[Show clipping, show clipping fast……..]

The news channel showed the Mayor running at high speed with an umbrella followed by two bodyguards holding sticks to drive away any animals, the secretary carrying a briefcase, and the driver who just followed because he was very committed!

This video was repeated on all channels and ‘youtube’, and so it felt to viewers that they were going around in circles! The people were angry at the Mayor as they were also affected by the plight of the animals, they held protest marches and wore ‘I am a Cow’ caps. They chanted ‘ India is a Cow and a Cow is India’. The politicians couldn’t say anything as the cow was a religious symbol.

As the Mayor returned home, he breathed a sigh of relief and flopped down on his chair!

‘Saabji?, Shall I cancel the barbecue party you were hosting tonight?’ asked the butler as he gave the Mayor a drink of water

‘Get lost you idiot!’ Screamed the Mayor

That night the Mayor was not able to sleep, as throughout the night the dogs got together and howled till sunrise, the owls hooted and the frogs croaked.

The Mayor’s wife finally shouted at her husband ‘It’s bad enough you snore at night, but anymore of this and I will be leaving you! Do something, you stubborn old man! ‘

The next morning, a small white flag was stuck outside the Mayors bungalow.

To be continued………..

Operation Geronimoo!- Phase I Desperate Storm!

To be continued……

Monalisa the cow, her bovine buddies, and Charkha the ‘Special Correspondent’ behind all of them chattering away non-stop, to her listeners, barged through the gates of the socialite’s home. They knocked the guard down and carried him on their back and right on to the feet of the dancing girls who screamed. And then the rest of the cows ran after all the people, especially the ones who wore white leather shoes and carried matching white leather mobile cases, belts and purses. The bull drank all the juice and the buffalo and his friends ate all the salad. The whole place resembled a slapstick comedy show, with people screaming and the bovine animals eating or running after the people who tried to stop them.

To stop this whole mess and confusion, the police was called. But before they could come and take action, Col. Tommy the dog, and Kwaky the crow informed Monalisa the cow to leave the place immediately. And so with a loud Moo! Monalisa called all her cows to leave. They told Charkha the Special Correspondent their demands and  left for their secret meeting place.

Charkha the special correspondent relished this opportunity to hit headlines! Charkha had now become the mouthpiece of these bovine animals and they had vowed to her that they would give her free milk if she would help them. Charkha had jumped upon this offer since the cost of basic necessities were so high,  it was a welcome offer for her.

Charkha found the Mayor hiding inside a large artificially ancient made Ming Dynasty Vase imported from China supposedly by the socialite, but was actually from ‘Dime a Dozen’ street shop in Bangkok! Charkha tapped upon the Vase and the Mayor sheepishly peeped out of the mouth of the vase.

‘Are they gone?’,the Mayor asked

Yes, Mayor you can come out now , all the animals have left’, told Charkha

They have demands, Mayor, I think you better listen to them’

‘Off the record, please, and let see what the beastly bovine want’, said the Mayor

The bodyguards tried to lift the Mayor out of the vase but his stomach had gotten stuck in the middle, and so they had to break the vase into pieces. Everyone wondered how he had got in, in the first place?

Soon Charkha told the demands of the bovine community; their demands were:

1.       Stop the slaughter of all bovine animals

2.       Stop the sale of leather

3.       Stoppage of using bovine animals on concrete roads/ and pulling of carts

4.       Giving wandering cows food at one place

5.       Removal of plastic from use

‘What rubbish is this?’ Shouted the Mayor,’ What do these animals think they are? What about the hungry and poor children in this town?’

‘They say that you are responsible for them but who will fight the animals battles?’, told Charkha to the Mayor ,

‘I will not be cowed down sorry…. I will not be forced in doing useless things, I have much important things to do and take decisions on, this is not important and they are not important, and any ways I will need to speak with my ‘higher ups’ on this, so good bye, move , everyone to the side, I am going home, I am very tired’

And thus the Mayor moved into his car with his bodyguards behind him, and went home for the night.

Charkha conveyed the Mayors reaction to Monalisa the cow through a message delivered by Kwaky the crow. Monalisa the cow on hearing the insensitivity of the Mayor decided to give a day for the Mayor to talk to this ‘higher up’s’. But it was no use, he thought the whole thing was useless and waived it away when Charkha spoke to him about it.

Monalisa then decided to launch Phase two of ‘Operation Geronimooo’- ‘Total Recall!’

To be continued……..

Operation Geronimoo- Phase 1

Breaking News! Breaking News! Breaking !Breaking News!Breaking News!

Good Evening, this is Shogorika Blahsh, with the breaking news on the top of the hour, before we start our debate based on my book ‘ The Effect of Bengali Thought on All Things’ to be released this weekend in Taj Bengal by a very distinguished ……..

[Enough of self promotion Shong, pls get on!]

Let’s go to our special correspondent Charkha who has the latest information…..Charkha?

Good evening Shogorika, we still do not know what the Fantastic Cow is up to but I can see the Bovine Community getting into a huddle an d discussing something in hushed tones…..

Charkha what exactly are they discussing any idea?

Well, I did get a close enough to hear ‘Operation Geronimoo phase 1- Desperate Storm, it is now nine in the evening and we still don’t know what the……….hey hold on it seems there is some movement in the huddle………

[camera man move it, Charkha say something!]

And thus before anyone could understand anything, all the bovine members lead by Monalisa the cow Mooed very loudly and ran towards the direction where the Mayor had gone, to attend the dinner party of the Charity Club, founded by many concerned and extremely rich person of the town, who had a lot of black money to spare, of which the hostess was the local socialite and her theme was ‘White’.

The theme was a success all had come dressed in white , the dancing girls specially brought down from some tiny East European countries were a hit, who cheered for the Charity Cause. As the party started to get rocking the Mayor entered in his specially ordered white car with a red siren and dressed in White Khadi-representing peace, charity, purity- he represented the government, he did not hesitate to mention who his designer was of course.

And with a very loud Moo! Monalisa the Cow and her bovine buddies made their first attack.

To be continued……

Mooing at the Mayor's Office !

Continued…..

Breaking News! Breaking News! Breaking !Breaking News!Breaking News!

Good afternoon everyone! We have breaking news that the Fantastic Cow is heading for the Mayor’s Office, over to our ‘Special Correspondent’ Charkha! ……Charkha?

Hi Prawny!, You will be surprised to see that the Fantastic Cow, a buffalo and a bull are heading for the Mayor’s Office with some issues, if you can just pan the camera towards the gate of the main office……..

[Camera man pan!   Pan! ….PAN!!]

You can see that the security guard who was sleeping has closed the gates for their entry and is driving the cow and her friends away,….Prawny?, said Charkha

[Charkah, not ‘cow’ say ‘ Fantastic Cow’, Please!]

Charkha, what are the issues that the ’ Fantastic Cow’ is concerned about?

[ Prawny, frown more Please! Look serious and concerned!]

Well the issues are very serious, they wish to ban the use of Cows, Bulls and Buffalos for cheap human work and wish to ban the use of their skins as handbags and their meat on menu items. You can see their concerns are very valid. All of them have ‘Mooed’ and have tried to force themselves into the premises, but they have not been given an audience by the Mayor, as he is busy in a meeting!

[Enough of the monologue Charkha, audience is getting bored!]

I can see the people are gathering around Charkha?

Yes, Prawny, every time the cow….sorry the Fantastic Cow and her friends are ‘mooing’ the crowd is ‘booing’! Some of them have been waiting for the Mayor since a longtime and have backed the bovine in protest, they have came out of their tents!

Ok Charkha, keep us posted, we will get back to you!

On to other news…….

As soon as the news broke, the internet community decided to now set up a Facebook page for the Fantastic Cow and everyone on twitter decided to stop eating meat for a day, not wear shoes, and join the cow in a virtual protest. Before you knew it her page got a rate of 200 hits in a day and Monalisa the Cow now became a profit making cow!

But Monalisa’s efforts were in vain, as it became evening the Mayor did not come and speak or solve the issue and went home in his imported black Mercedes car! Monalisa the cow was very agitated and she decided to take ‘Direct Action’ she launched an attack called  ‘Operation Geronimoo!’

To be continued……

To the Mayor's Office !

Continued…

Monalisa the cow, was very surprised to see the buffalo in tears. She went up to him and asked him what the matter was. The buffalo Huns, was very sad that he had lost his children and wife to some butchers. Monalisa felt very angry and decided to do something to help Huns. ‘But what?’, She thought. And just as she and Huns walked together in sorrow she saw a bull coming towards her. Dharma the bull was in a very sorry state. He complained of back and neck pain and how his hoofs were getting weathered on the cement roads as he pulled his cart to transport ice. His city owner too had not been very kind to him. Dharma longed to go back to the farm and plough land with his hoofs in cold soft earth and contribute to the fields, and also be with his family.

Monalisa the cow , was now was very determined, she had to help her own kind! God, had saved her once but now she had to make her life worth it! She decided to take action and headed straight for the Mayor’s Office and launch a protest!

As the trio reached the gates of the Mayor’s Office, Monalisa the cow was surprised to see Charkha the ‘special correspondent’ doing a ‘scoop’ on how the security guard outside the office was sleeping on duty!  Charkha the reporter immediately abandoned her ‘scoop’ and decided to follow Monalisa to the Mayors Office gates. And so they went!

to be continued.......

Cow to the Rescue!

Continued….

Monalisa the Cow was very confused. She wondered why had she been saved, in such a way? She thought and thought as she chewed upon some cabbage. She realized that the idols underneath the waters when she had almost sank had pushed her up and it was a sign. It was a sign that she was meant to lead a life with a purpose! And she wondered and wondered about the ‘purpose’ as she walked. As she was walking thoughtfully she suddenly saw school children crossing the zebra crossing and a  very loud motorcyclist, speeding towards them, she decided to act swiftly!

Monalisa the cow jumped right in front and in between the school children and the motorcyclist. On seeing the very large cow the biker pulled the breaks, screeched, skidded ahead and hit Monalisa the cow in the stomach, did a summersault in the air and landed straddled on Monalisa’a back with his head towards her tail!  The shouting children then started to laugh and applauded, and the crowd gathered around all clapped. The Principle of the school and the teachers, all ran towards the cow, to see if she was okay. And she was! Due to her large size and weight she not only had saved a bad road accident but had also cushioned the fall of the biker!

The biker turned out to be a wannabe roadie and the Principle of the school made the biker write ‘I will not ride my bike speedily and loudly’ 200 times on the board, for a week. Monalisa got a new lease of life! The school hired her as the traffic stopper for their school children, they also gave her a school sash. So now she had a job , as well as lots of friends who would hug and give Monalisa a bit of their lunch.

All was well, but one day she met a very sad buffalo!

To be continued……

Breaking News once again!

Breaking News ! Breaking News ! Breaking News!........

Good evening !

This is Shogorika Blahsh, we have breaking news, that the Cow has been rescued, by a small boy!

Lets go to our correspondent…… Charkha? Can you hear me?

Yes , Shogorika, the mood is very jubilant hear, you can see people behind me cheering as the cow was pulled out slowly by this very small boy from the slums.

What is the reaction of the boy?

Apkow kaisah lagthaw hai? Charkha (How do you feel)

Hain?  Boy

Apne Cow khow save kiya? Apkho kya feeling hai?

‘Madam, I am from an All Boys English Public School for slum children’. Speak to me in either English or our national language, not both!,’ said the boy, in BBC like English accent.

And to answer your question, I feel fine and it was my duty to save an animal’. Thank you.

‘Wonderful!’ Where do you live? Charkha.... The boy leaves.

Hey charkha, how is the cow?

The cow is fine, let me just go over and get something out of her…. Cow are you ok?

And all Monalisa the cow could say was ?……… YES you guessed it………….MOOOO?

But that is not the end of her story, she walked away quickly way from the maddening crowd.

The reporters left and so did all the people, the Socialite decided to end her fast,she was relieved, and she had just enough time to change into her new designer clothes, and head for the next party. She ended her fast with a vodka and lime juice.

But now Monalisa the cow was confused………..

To be continued……….

Picture of the Story

The Cameraman from the local news channel -seeing the breaking story from the wooden bridge.

Charkha, the special correspondent, interviewing Monalisa the Cow!

The Socialite and her buddies fasting along to Save the Cow !

Breaking News Still !

Continued………….

The breaking story, was flashed for the whole afternoon. The News Channels asked for support and help for the cow. Since, now, everyone was interested, everyone wanted to be a part of this story. The Mayor gave a statement to help the cow and did nothing. The local wannabe socialite, sacrificed her afternoon siesta time and went on a fast in support of the cow. Soon, many of her last nights, party buddies joined her for a fast, as they needed it for their own publicity and also to take care of their hangover from last night.

The people on twitter also twitted for a whole two hours, on this subject, and others sent messages about the cow. In all this commotion, a small boy from the nearby slums, swam below the water , tied a noose around Monalisa and pulled Monalisa out of the waters!

In three hours there was another news flash!

To be continued…..

Breaking News !

Continued……

Breaking News ! Breaking News ! Breaking News!........

‘Good Afternoon to all our viewers, reports are in, that a very large cow has got stuck inside the  Kaligonga river, in our town of Moanpur. Our camera man has captured all the details.

[Camera shot of cow] Don’t speak.

[Reporter Ready]- Speak Now!

‘Seems like a very tragic situation, lets go to our ‘ Special Correspondent’,

 Charkha? Can you hear me?

‘Yes , I can hear you!’ ,shouts Charkha, in an upside down suspended position

‘Go ahead Charkha, where are you?’

I am just above the bridge, hanging down from a helicopter, and I can see the cow very distressed. Many people have gathered to see and support this cow, Prawny?

Charkah ,what is the reaction of the people?

Prawny, the people look concerned and are now singing devotional songs, for her help and support,

And how is the cow?

The cow looks, sad, if you can just pan the camera to the cow, just a minute…..

[Camera man- PAN!, you idiot, close shot -show expression of cow]

See how scared she looks?

Hmm looks scared, can you get something out of her?

‘Cow! Cow! How did you get here and how do you feel?’ Charkha

And all Monalisa could say was ‘ Mooooo!’

But that was not the end, she was still stuck!

To be continued…..

Out of the Waters and on Camera !

Continued….

As Monalisa the cow floated down, and down she saw all the various Gods in front of her with their many hands, as if waving to her. She never hit the water bed , but was poked by all the outstretched arms, and as she started to move her feet, she soon bobbed out of the water! She bobbed in and out, and in and out, and every time she did that, there would be silence inside the waters and a rush of noise outside. The water bed was not very deep and she soon got her hoofs caught in the sludge.

From the bridge, a photographer was walking with his camera, looking for a special scoop. And it was then, when he was looking down the bridge to spit his gum, that he saw a very large cow, stuck in the waters and struggling to get out! He thought ‘Great! What a scoop!’ and soon started to take photographs, he also called up his television channel to report of breaking news. ‘What luck?’ he thought, something is happening in this sleepy town’, and dreamed of winning a Noble Prize!

There was breaking news on their local News Channel!

to be continued.....

Monalisa in animation -enjoy!

The Fable of the Fantastic Cow as a Picture Story !

Monalisa Doing Tai chi with Col. Tommy

 Monalisa - the Cow-Feeling Sad  looking over the Wooden Bridge

Monalisa the Cow Finally Jumping over the Bridge !

to be continued!

Into the Waters !

 Continued…..

In the afternoon the water below looked cool and sparkled brightly. Monalisa then got on top of the bridge, and she said her final ‘Mooo’ and just jumped !

Monalisa the cow closed her eyes for the worst, and she hit the water with a splash. When she hit the water she opened her eyes in a reflex action, she could hear glugging sounds as she fell deeper into the water, and then she was suddenly very shocked to see many outstretched hands of Gods!!!

These were the various idols which the religious Hindus had immersed during their festivals. A festival had just gone by and many idols had remained half melted in the water. The whole sea bed consisted of multicolored and adorned statues of Gods with their hands in the posture of blessing, their eyes straight and lips smiling, stuck in the bed of the river!

To be continued

The Final Goodbye!

continued...

The morning walkers, were very disturbed by the behavior of a snappy dog and a very large cow, balancing on their feet and running about and making a lot of noise ! You see Monalisa had gained so much weight, that when she ran , it would sound like a thousand horses were running by! Col. Tommy had to make a run as the stray dog department came after him and Monalisa just headed in any direction she could find.

So once again, Monalisa the cow, sobbed and sobbed and ate only one can of garbage. She became so disillusioned with the world that she slowly walked towards the large bridge. She was very determined and solemn,’ Good bye cruel world’, she said, ‘Good bye everyone’, and then started to walk over the Wooden Bridge.

to be continued....

Motivational Lessons

Monalisa the cow,decided to change her attitude, so she took the advice of her only friend Kwaky the Lazy Crow, who wood often take joyrides on Monalisa’s back when he was too tired to fly, he was now a grandfather after all! He advised her to take the help of Col. Tommy. Colonel Tommy was a white spritely Pomeranian dog who had been abandoned, after his owners left for their next posting, in the army. He had a black patch on his left eye and now took Motivational Lectures for those animals who had been dumped by their owners, just like him.

Col. Tommy sat erect and listened to Moanalisa’s sad tale. He got up and said, like Napoleon commanding his army, ‘ Worry not Cow!, I have a plan for you!’ .

Each day Monalisa wood do yoga and tai chi at 5.3o in the morning and then she and Col. Tommy would go on a run. Col. Tommy’s plan was to reduce Monalisa’s weight and then try and bring about positive energy. But their plan was doomed from the start.

To be continued……

The City Life

continued....

Flashback !

Once she got onto the highway there was a huge car crash as most of the drivers looked shockingly at a thin brown and white cow with branches on her head walking in the middle of the road! The children started to laugh at her, and she then took off her camouflage outfit and headed for the city life.

She found it difficult to fit in with the city cows, they thought she was competition and they had already occupied the prized food and sweet stores and all the elite garbage dumps, and so they kept her out of their group.

She then, had to wait for the other cows to finish and then eat the remains in the garbage bin, which was a lot of junk food. After many days she found a small temple where she would stand and some devotees would give her food and touch her feet. She was extremely embarrassed, but she was desperate for food. She soon found a place where she got shade and would sleep or sit the whole day. This place, was in front of an old library and there she would turn her back towards the street and see the people reading books and then sleep peacefully.

But as luck would have it the temple people scooted her out of their premises as their own cow needed space and the policeman too blew a whistle and gave her a stick in the back, as she was obstructing traffic near the library!

Back to the Present !

And, so, she now walked about in fear all the time, with no friends, no peaceful sleep and no place of her own, and extremely overweight! She became more and more depressed and then she finally decided to take an extreme step!

to be continued.....

The Fable of the Fantastic Cow !

There once was a lonely cow called Monalisa. She was a lovely brown and white patched ‘Jersey Cow’. She would wander about the streets very dejected all the time. She had a reason for her dejection, her owner had tried to butcher her as she had become a dead investment.

Flashback!

 Her owner had brought her as she had looked big and beautiful, but once he realized she was not able to produce any milk, he decided to give her to the butcher and make some money out of her.

Once Monalisa found out the evil intentions of her owner,she stuck to a strict vegetarian diet, of one stack of grass and some water and no binging on the nearby farm spinach, and egg plants, as she had read in the latest copy of ‘CowElle’. She thereby not only lost weight but she was able to squeeze through the farm fence and run away, wearing green bushes and sticks, like a commando camouflage, she had seen in a movie, in the middle of the night. And once she got out she ran and ran and ran, thinking the world was a better outside.

But she was wrong!

to be continued.....

Welcome to crazycrackersncola!

Hi, my dear readers, this new blog of mine is about short ,silly and satirical stories based on animals and  things of everyday usage. This blog is dedicated to all our lovely animals who teach us many things!  Through the animals and things, I cast a view on society. Please read them with a pinch of salt! I hope they bring a smile to your face! Happy reading, and do let me know what you think!

Love to all
Ashwini